i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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