I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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