dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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