Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
