i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
