Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
