I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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