i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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