This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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