so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
