Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
