I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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