Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
