I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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