I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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