Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
