You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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