Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
