life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize