theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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