so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
