now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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