So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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