Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
