you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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