So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
