we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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