a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
