I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
