just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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