She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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