And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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