The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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