that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
