is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
