If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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