Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
