i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
