There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
