He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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