My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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