Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
