when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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