Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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