I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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