I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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