Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
