Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
