As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
