Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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