He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
