i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
