I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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