Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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