How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
