She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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